I recently had an unhappy night, filled with restless moments and memories. The consequences of decisions I made decades ago, lapped at my feet. I divorced my children’s father, and removed grandparent rights. My choices were necessary. They were protective. They gave both me and my children safety. Yet, those choices inserted recently, despite my fervent desire for them not to. When ugly comes to one you love, one you’d lay your life down for, the chink in the armor opens quickly to poke at an old bruise to your heart. And that’s when the old voices played a litany ticker-taped across my … [Read more...]
The National Epidemic No One Wants to Talk About
I remember one summer when my children and I were in the mountains of Montana. Our cabin was among eight or ten structures that had been built to mine nickel during WWII. A river ran through the narrow valley. The water was clean, frigid, and fishing was good. Grandpa T had chosen this morning to take the kids fishing, but first, one must have worms. And the best worms were found in and around manure. My kids stepped back, horrified expressions on their faces. He insisted they get their hands dirty. The brook trout were delicious. This down-to-earth mountain man was right. We are going to … [Read more...]
Thriving After Adversity: 6 Steps to Contentment
The other evening, snow fell gently, as I sat reading in front of our evening fire. My husband had gone to bed, but I savored the sound of silence, save for the crackle of the logs – utterly content. Content. Wow. Not striving, not planning or making notes, not wishing I’d done something differently, not envisioning a scene for my next book or blog, not unhappy or worried or stressed. When I think about my journey to contentment I am grateful for dogged determination; that reasons for unequivocal forward motion existed; for guiding lights with helping hands and hearts; but mostly that I … [Read more...]
How To Forgive But Not Forget
Forgive, but please don’t forget. Forgive and forget are not synonymous, although my background would suggest they are. All my life it was “forgive and forget,” which, when you think about it, makes perfect sense – if you’re my parents. Forgetting was the same as pretending it, whatever “it” was, never happened in my family. Michelle had my dad’s baby? Erase her off the whiteboard of our life. No pictures, no reference allowed, no contact. She, the victim, was shunned. Sent away and forgotten. Except, of course, she wasn’t. She was a terrible wound that festered just beneath the surface of our … [Read more...]
How to Listen and Respond if Your Child Discloses Molestation
In all the world, Teresa (not her real name) never thought it would happen to her. One of her children, the middle of five, caused a seismic shift in the landscape of their family when she haltingly disclosed that her daddy was molesting her. Of course her daughter didn’t use the word molestation; she was nine. Teresa remembers stirring a soup she was making for dinner – she’d just added a pinch more salt – when Libby made what seemed to be an offhand statement that turned Teresa icy cold. The spoon halted above the pot as she froze, not believing what her ears just heard. It’s funny how a … [Read more...]
Holidays Can Be Tough – My Father Died on Thanksgiving Day
Dad died Thanksgiving morning several years ago. To write “dad died” unleashes a snarl of tangled emotions. Love, loss, wishful thinking, anger, ‘if only’s’, why?, longing, forever… I loved that man with wholehearted abandon, until loving him was no longer safe. Even then I longed for what I once had with him. It was early Thanksgiving morning when my sister called with the news. My husband asked, “What would you like to do? We could stay home.” Our plans for the day were to drive to the Russian River and be thankful with friends, to hike, dine together, make music, and connect … [Read more...]
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