I remember the day I knew I wasn’t crazy. My dad, who had a black belt in manipulation, was the strategist behind the custody war for my children - on behalf of my soon to be ex-husband. At the heart of this maelstrom, lay my shattered self. I'd discovered that my dad was still molesting, my marriage was over, and neither my parents nor my children's father minded aiming through my kids to get at me. I was in this mess because I'd had the audacity to speak the truth about our incestuous family, and was in the process of removing grandparent rights, in protection of my children. A … [Read more...]
Preventing Child Sexual Abuse: “Do’s and Don’ts” for Busy Parents
Nothing compares with the moments my children were born. My son offered his opinion of the process instantly with an indignant wail. I laughed in delight. My daughter, after being placed on my tummy, quietly contemplated me with her great big eyes. I melted in that gaze. I vowed to honor the individuality of each of them, to foster their uniqueness. I would guide them, teach them, keep them safe from harm, and lay down my life for them, if necessary, such was the magnitude of love, especially in those precious first moments. I had no idea the depth, the breadth, the enormity of what would … [Read more...]
Tips for a Survivor’s Spouse
We’re an exotic breed, we who were abused as kids. My husband would probably joke, “Exotic? That’s not quite how I’d define it…” I’ll ask him, and tell you a few paragraphs down. Nevertheless, it’s true. Exotic: strikingly, excitingly, or mysteriously different or unusual. Take “different or unusual” for a moment. I felt, as a child, a teenager, and then early adult that I had been plucked from a different planet and placed on earth. I walked around inside a body, but the core of me, all that was me, knew I carried the weight of the shame of our family. I was borderless, lost inside myself and … [Read more...]
Sunglasses On The Soul
I have a pair of expensive sunglasses, a gift from my husband on one of those decade birthdays. I love them. They surround my eyes in such a way that I can drive the boat, water ski or SUP (standup paddleboard) and not have sunlight momentarily blind me by its brightness or reflection off the water. My eyes feel like I’ve stepped into a shady forest glade when I slip on those gorgeous frames. Since expensive sunglasses aren’t my usual fare, it doesn’t hurt my spirit either. I’m not sure why my gymnastic mind took me from sunglasses to soul today, but it did. Recently I thought about the … [Read more...]
Forgive But Don’t Forget
Please don’t forget. Forgive and forget are not synonymous, although my background would suggest they are. All my life it was “forgive and forget,” which, when you think about it, makes perfect sense – if you’re my parents. Forgetting was the same as pretending it, whatever “it” was, never happened in my family. Michelle had my dad’s baby? Erase her off the whiteboard of our life. No pictures, no reference allowed, no contact. She, the victim, was shunned. Sent away and forgotten. Except, of course, she wasn’t. She was a terrible wound that festered just beneath the surface of our lives, all … [Read more...]
I Miss My Daddy
Maybe it’s that I’ve had two surgeries in three weeks and my carefully crafted “soft armor” slipped. Maybe it’s simply that now and then a little arrow of loss targets a heart and slips through to connect. Maybe it’s the lie perched on a tongue that says “I’m fine,” when “fine” is the least common denominator at that particular moment. Today, while looking for a photograph in my archives, this one fills the screen from a location I didn’t remember it being placed, and makes me cry. One instant I’ve taken note of a mirror smooth river, crisp air and glorious mountains, the next I’m smoothing … [Read more...]
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