The Sequel to “The Tipping Point of Sorrow” I was there. It was a windy, clear night. I sat on the bed and brushed tear dampened hair from Michelle’s face and tucked it behind her ear. I had just overheard that our father had gotten my fifteen-year-old sister pregnant. “I envy her dark wavy hair,” I thought contemplatively as I lifted strands away from her neck needing to touch her, offer her comfort. I ached for this grief-ridden girl/child, with a profoundness that closed my throat. Michelle was twelve when she came into my life. She was the oldest of six siblings the state took away … [Read more...]
The Tipping Point of Sorrow
My sister Carly called in the calm of autumn’s evening light a few weeks ago. She was driving through smoke-filled air on her way home from work. It’s been a brutal year for fires, with British Columbia burns topping three million acres, Montana over one million, then Northern California’s fires devastated densely populated areas. “What month and year was Michelle’s baby born? And do we know gender?” I’m used to these out of the blue questions and get right to answering. Hellos will come later – often with a laugh – “oh – sorry – hi” inserted along the way. “Let’s see. I’ll need to think … [Read more...]
The Paradox of Safety
Last night, as daylight gave way to dusk and the river quieted, I had an out-of-nowhere moment so profound I wept: one moment absorbing twilight, the next in tears. And though this will surprise many of you who know my family’s history, I desperately missed my father. Dad was crazy smart. Genius IQ. He was a mesmerizing storyteller. A lift you up and away speaker. He adored discourse that challenged. I loved engaging those dialogues, for it was one arena where we could tackle matters of intelligence and not devolve into emotionalism. These lively discussions linger as some of my very best … [Read more...]
9 Life Lessons Learned While Paddleboarding
Each morning before dawn, or maybe at dawn, if my internal clock didn’t get me up, I make a cup of coffee as I prepare for my morning paddle. There is ritual to it. Sunscreen, whistle, hat, sunglasses, carry paddle and board to, and then into, the river. And that predawn river? Utter glass. The other morning I was awakened by my two grandsons. The older one touched my shoulder and said, “Nonna, look! The water’s glass. We’ve got to go get on it.” We did. He’s nine, the glass whisperer, so … here are 9 life lessons I’ve learned on my Stand Up Paddle Board, otherwise known as … [Read more...]
Mother’s Day Without Mom
Mother’s Day is a sweet day for me. I am well celebrated by my children and husband. I reside in the gentle beauty of my greatest role on earth – mother to my son and daughter. It remains the finest work I have ever done. It is bittersweet for some. I’ve seen Facebook posts honoring moms, posts honoring moms who are no longer with us, those honoring stepmoms, and women who took on the role of mom. Then, there is what isn’t said, which speaks volumes. There are moms we could not celebrate today. There are those for whom the wounds are fresh, and those of us who have lived with loss and … [Read more...]
The Parable of The Pack
High on an Ethiopian plateau nestled the village of Kiramu. My home. Governed by a chieftain, this small thatch hut community hosted a Saturday market, had a flourmill, a weaver, and my best friend. Ethiopia raised me. Her culture taught me joy, family, the respect of the elderly, the richness of history, and offered safety. It was to these people I fled when being harmed at home. It is my African tribe I credit for stability as I sought to navigate my American tribe. Villages exist within a culture and tribe. There are customs inherent within them. My American village was a conservative … [Read more...]
The Fifth Angel
We have experienced the amazing grace of kindness. In my last blog, The Best Laid Plans, I wrote about angels 1 – 4 who touched our lives when we needed them most. On March 4th, camping in front of the fire of our emptied-out home, my cell phone rang. The new owners of our beloved river house, the home where we have lived for over eight years, were on the line. After we greeted one another, they said, “We would like to be your fifth angel. We would like to offer a two year lease.” Oh, the emotions; spontaneous laughter at the unexpected gift of residence, tears at the very thought of … [Read more...]
The Best Laid Plans …
We are homeless. Monday the movers came and boxed our entire home in preparation for our Tuesday move to Lower Twin Lake. Cupboards were bared, beds dismantled, all but laptops safely stowed in movable containers. Our crew would reassemble our bed the next day in the new home, but John and I had each packed a small suitcase with a couple days of clothing, toiletries, pajamas and slippers – oh, and we tucked a coffee mug, wine glass and a bottle of wine into the duffel. We know what’s important, right? Tuesday… well, Tuesday just needs a ‘do-over’ or maybe not, because we find … [Read more...]
The Only Way Out – Is Through
Last fall the river invited me to play. I fetched my paddle board, opted against a wetsuit given the sunny day, strapped the leash to my right ankle, and took off. It was a perfect morning. Fluffy clouds dotted an azure sky, the air was calm, the water mirror smooth. I headed east, against the current. The normal zen that comes with being at one with nature took hold, and I plied the river in complete solitude. Forty minutes into my river run I reversed direction for home and stared with disbelief at the sky. Dark clouds had replaced fluffy ones. Fifty yards ahead, wind skiffed water into … [Read more...]
I Miss Statesmanship, Honor, Truth and Dignity
The first lady said, “This is sexually predatory behavior…” referring to the bragging about sexually assaulting women. Meryl Streep said, “Disrespect invites disrespect,” noting that when the man who holds the highest office in our land is disrespectful, he gives permission to others to do likewise. I am deeply troubled that my fellow Americans chose a man whom I hope our children and grandchildren won’t emulate. 2016 began as a year of promise for me. My memoir was released, I engaged in a wonderful book tour and I was seven weeks away from home. I enjoyed family, friends, … [Read more...]
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