In the predawn hush, I let myself out for my morning commune with the river. I want to see the sun rise over the mountains. I’ve gotten ready for my river run; sunblock, hat, sunglasses, whistle – mustn’t forget the whistle – and the smallest amount of swimwear possible. I want to feel air around me. I want to bathe myself in it, for it is the purest, surest way I know to both find, and free me. I pad across a dew-clad lawn, down the steps of the breakwater, and into the cool river. My SUP (stand up paddleboard) glides onto the surface. I’ve an ankle strap to keep me tethered, my paddle, … [Read more...]
To All of Us Who Had Lousy Mothers – Cheers!
Happy Mother’s Day! I’m touched by loving messages or memories of moms being honored by daughters and sons. My children have honored me well. But, for those of us who had less than adequate moms, this is for you. You are loved. R rated for realistic content. To All of Us Who had Lousy Mothers, Cheers! Here’s to us. Here’s to creating a life around the hollow left by their inability to mother. Here’s to loving our own children fiercely and well, despite all odds. Here’s to defying the limits our childhood, along with our parents, tried to set. Here’s to life, to love, to hope! Brava … [Read more...]
For Elsie – In Memoriam
The Sister Unit is down by one. I lost one of my sisters last week. She was a year younger than I. Losing a sister is different than losing a parent. I’ve lost one of each. It sucker punched me. The phone call left me stunned into silence as I searched frantically for my voice. How? Why? Please tell me. Gone? I talked to her last week. We exchanged texts over the weekend. I hung up the phone, told my husband, and curled inward unable to find words even for myself to express the impact of the death of my sister. We weathered so much together. For those of you who don’t know our story, we … [Read more...]
The Bomb of Molestation: What To Do If It Hits You.
It’s incendiary, the bomb of incest or molestation. One moment life as you know it is sailing along, the next it has exploded before your very eyes. In a state of shock, you wonder what just happened, or if what just happened really did happen. Surely it’s a dream – a nightmare – and you’ll wake soon. Only it isn’t, and you won’t. We talk with great empathy about the victim of this crime, and they deserve every moment of it. They will need loved, nurtured, guided, and cared for on their path to resilient survivorship. But this horror has a ripple affect across the layers of family. There … [Read more...]
How I Outsmart My Inner Critic, & 4 Steps to Help You Do the Same
I recently had an unhappy night, filled with restless moments and memories. The consequences of decisions I made decades ago, lapped at my feet. I divorced my children’s father, and removed grandparent rights. My choices were necessary. They were protective. They gave both me and my children safety. Yet, those choices inserted recently, despite my fervent desire for them not to. When ugly comes to one you love, one you’d lay your life down for, the chink in the armor opens quickly to poke at an old bruise to your heart. And that’s when the old voices played a litany ticker-taped across my … [Read more...]
The National Epidemic No One Wants to Talk About
I remember one summer when my children and I were in the mountains of Montana. Our cabin was among eight or ten structures that had been built to mine nickel during WWII. A river ran through the narrow valley. The water was clean, frigid, and fishing was good. Grandpa T had chosen this morning to take the kids fishing, but first, one must have worms. And the best worms were found in and around manure. My kids stepped back, horrified expressions on their faces. He insisted they get their hands dirty. The brook trout were delicious. This down-to-earth mountain man was right. We are going to … [Read more...]
Thriving After Adversity: 6 Steps to Contentment
The other evening, snow fell gently, as I sat reading in front of our evening fire. My husband had gone to bed, but I savored the sound of silence, save for the crackle of the logs – utterly content. Content. Wow. Not striving, not planning or making notes, not wishing I’d done something differently, not envisioning a scene for my next book or blog, not unhappy or worried or stressed. When I think about my journey to contentment I am grateful for dogged determination; that reasons for unequivocal forward motion existed; for guiding lights with helping hands and hearts; but mostly that I … [Read more...]
New Year’s Resolutions? Blechhhh
Write resolutions? Absolutely not. Zero interest. If coming up with resolutions is required to appropriately enter 2016, then I’m taking a flying backflip into July of last year. It’s not that I don’t intend to grow. Or reach. Or love bigger and hopefully better. I can’t wait to finish splitting wood for the season and get out on my paddleboard. But wherever I go, there I am. I find I like me, unapologetically, as it turns out. I like how my life is going. Okay, so maybe one of my holdovers from my childhood experiences is to not tempt fate, but as I contemplated the societal norm here (one … [Read more...]
How To Forgive But Not Forget
Forgive, but please don’t forget. Forgive and forget are not synonymous, although my background would suggest they are. All my life it was “forgive and forget,” which, when you think about it, makes perfect sense – if you’re my parents. Forgetting was the same as pretending it, whatever “it” was, never happened in my family. Michelle had my dad’s baby? Erase her off the whiteboard of our life. No pictures, no reference allowed, no contact. She, the victim, was shunned. Sent away and forgotten. Except, of course, she wasn’t. She was a terrible wound that festered just beneath the surface of our … [Read more...]
How to Listen and Respond if Your Child Discloses Molestation
In all the world, Teresa (not her real name) never thought it would happen to her. One of her children, the middle of five, caused a seismic shift in the landscape of their family when she haltingly disclosed that her daddy was molesting her. Of course her daughter didn’t use the word molestation; she was nine. Teresa remembers stirring a soup she was making for dinner – she’d just added a pinch more salt – when Libby made what seemed to be an offhand statement that turned Teresa icy cold. The spoon halted above the pot as she froze, not believing what her ears just heard. It’s funny how a … [Read more...]
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