Some decisions cost more in the not making of them, than the making of them. I wrote The Fifth Sister in an effort to encourage, support, and empower the 42 million of us in the US who were sexually abused as children. I didn’t make that number up. It’s a stat from the CDC (Center for Disease Control) as of 2012. Forty-two million. I’m pretty sure that number has gone up, not down. Back to the decision. I turned down a major TV network – twice. Their viewership boasts 83% of American households. I still shiver internally to have made this choice. Why? In April, as The Fifth Sister … [Read more...]
No Wake Zone
My oldest grandson and I have begun a rating system for boat wakes. This is important when riding a SUP (standup paddle board). There’s an art to taking a wake. Trust me on this. SUP boarders provide an endless supply of entertainment as we watch them down by the river following our workday. On a busy summer night with half a dozen boats along our stretch at any given time, SUPing is challenging at best. There are splashes, giggles, and many riders simply sit down and paddle. Occasionally someone loses his or her paddle in the fall. That’s a big no-no and makes for a long, slow doggy paddle … [Read more...]
Jewel Box of the Mind
Recently, a lovely woman friend of mine received difficult health news. As she struggled with her new realities, she wrote she hoped to discover "...the grace of innocence and the lack of resentment at being denied what I had before." Finding joy in each moment would help keep her spirits afloat, she said. I responded that memories give me joy. They’re like jewels. I sent a picture of her singing in our home. Herein lies my backstory. I have a jewel box – of the mind. In it nestle diamonds, rubies, sapphires, emeralds, pearls, and jade. There are simple pieces, and exotic ones. Each jewel … [Read more...]
Touching Air
In the predawn hush, I let myself out for my morning commune with the river. I want to see the sun rise over the mountains. I’ve gotten ready for my river run; sunblock, hat, sunglasses, whistle – mustn’t forget the whistle – and the smallest amount of swimwear possible. I want to feel air around me. I want to bathe myself in it, for it is the purest, surest way I know to both find, and free me. I pad across a dew-clad lawn, down the steps of the breakwater, and into the cool river. My SUP (stand up paddleboard) glides onto the surface. I’ve an ankle strap to keep me tethered, my paddle, … [Read more...]
To All of Us Who Had Lousy Mothers – Cheers!
Happy Mother’s Day! I’m touched by loving messages or memories of moms being honored by daughters and sons. My children have honored me well. But, for those of us who had less than adequate moms, this is for you. You are loved. R rated for realistic content. To All of Us Who had Lousy Mothers, Cheers! Here’s to us. Here’s to creating a life around the hollow left by their inability to mother. Here’s to loving our own children fiercely and well, despite all odds. Here’s to defying the limits our childhood, along with our parents, tried to set. Here’s to life, to love, to hope! Brava … [Read more...]
For Elsie – In Memoriam
The Sister Unit is down by one. I lost one of my sisters last week. She was a year younger than I. Losing a sister is different than losing a parent. I’ve lost one of each. It sucker punched me. The phone call left me stunned into silence as I searched frantically for my voice. How? Why? Please tell me. Gone? I talked to her last week. We exchanged texts over the weekend. I hung up the phone, told my husband, and curled inward unable to find words even for myself to express the impact of the death of my sister. We weathered so much together. For those of you who don’t know our story, we … [Read more...]
The Bomb of Molestation: What To Do If It Hits You.
It’s incendiary, the bomb of incest or molestation. One moment life as you know it is sailing along, the next it has exploded before your very eyes. In a state of shock, you wonder what just happened, or if what just happened really did happen. Surely it’s a dream – a nightmare – and you’ll wake soon. Only it isn’t, and you won’t. We talk with great empathy about the victim of this crime, and they deserve every moment of it. They will need loved, nurtured, guided, and cared for on their path to resilient survivorship. But this horror has a ripple affect across the layers of family. There … [Read more...]
How I Outsmart My Inner Critic, & 4 Steps to Help You Do the Same
I recently had an unhappy night, filled with restless moments and memories. The consequences of decisions I made decades ago, lapped at my feet. I divorced my children’s father, and removed grandparent rights. My choices were necessary. They were protective. They gave both me and my children safety. Yet, those choices inserted recently, despite my fervent desire for them not to. When ugly comes to one you love, one you’d lay your life down for, the chink in the armor opens quickly to poke at an old bruise to your heart. And that’s when the old voices played a litany ticker-taped across my … [Read more...]
The National Epidemic No One Wants to Talk About
I remember one summer when my children and I were in the mountains of Montana. Our cabin was among eight or ten structures that had been built to mine nickel during WWII. A river ran through the narrow valley. The water was clean, frigid, and fishing was good. Grandpa T had chosen this morning to take the kids fishing, but first, one must have worms. And the best worms were found in and around manure. My kids stepped back, horrified expressions on their faces. He insisted they get their hands dirty. The brook trout were delicious. This down-to-earth mountain man was right. We are going to … [Read more...]
Thriving After Adversity: 6 Steps to Contentment
The other evening, snow fell gently, as I sat reading in front of our evening fire. My husband had gone to bed, but I savored the sound of silence, save for the crackle of the logs – utterly content. Content. Wow. Not striving, not planning or making notes, not wishing I’d done something differently, not envisioning a scene for my next book or blog, not unhappy or worried or stressed. When I think about my journey to contentment I am grateful for dogged determination; that reasons for unequivocal forward motion existed; for guiding lights with helping hands and hearts; but mostly that I … [Read more...]
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