What a remarkable place to be – at one with courage. You and courage intertwined. It isn’t easy, and you aren’t sure you are courageous, yet. I don’t think there’s a magical moment when you become one with courage. It comes over time, although sometimes a pivotal event triggers a crisis, and that crisis becomes your “dangerous opportunity” to step into courage. “Tiger” was a game my dad played with us as children. It was an indoor game. He would drop down on his hands and knees, blindfolded, and for all intents and purposes, it was a game of hide and seek. We all had to play. It was a … [Read more...]
I’m In a Kickass Kind of Mood
I’m in a kickass kind of mood. Bring. It. On. Do not mess with a child. I can talk about life after child abuse, tell my story, empower adults to courage as they put their life back together following an adverse childhood, be a catalyst for open forum discussions on this national problem – but when I hear another child has been abused, it’s visceral. After hearing a new story, I hurt in empathy for this child, experience concern for the family and their “new normal,” and then? I feel downright hostile toward the abuser. I allow myself the freedom to do mental mayhem. Trust me, I have … [Read more...]
Mother’s Day Without Mom
Mother’s Day is a sweet day for me. I am well celebrated by my children and husband. I reside in the gentle beauty of my greatest role on earth – mother to my son and daughter. It remains the finest work I have ever done. It is bittersweet for some. I’ve seen Facebook posts this morning honoring moms, and posts honoring moms who are no longer with us. Then, there is what isn’t said. There are mom’s we could not celebrate today. There are those for whom the wounds are fresh, and those of us who have lived with loss and longing for a long time. Why some … [Read more...]
The Madness Stops Here
There is a saying, “The madness stops here.” You’ll hear me say that often. The madness stops here. It means that my background is not my children’s. It means, for my son and daughter, incest stopped at my generation. The tangled web we humans weave has emotional tentacles far more entwined than an octopus. The statistics on child sexual abuse are overwhelming. 1 in 3 girls molested by age 18. 1 in 5 boys. The median age for molestation is 11 – 13. 85% of molesters are family members. How are we going to address this with any degree of success? What can one person do? The madness stops … [Read more...]
Tender Moments
My friend posted this picture on Facebook on his daughter’s birthday. It made me smile, this father and daughter sharing ear buds. And then it made me cry. Loss hits me at the most unexpected times, and leaves me with a familiar longing. How lucky for my friend’s daughter. She has a dad who loves her well. I imagine what having a dad who loved me well might have looked like: A spontaneous grin at something I said or did. Noticing that I was excited, or happy, or sad. Knowing I could curl up in his lap when the end of the world happened – my best friend was mean to me – and have him pat … [Read more...]
Child Sexual Abuse linked to ADHD?
Could There Be A Link Between ADHD And Child Sexual Abuse? (1) New findings published in the journal Child Abuse & Neglect show "that adults with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) may have also been physically or sexually abused during the teenage years." Given child abuse statistics, that may be true, but I wonder about the ADHD diagnosis. Dr. Nadine Burke Harris (founder and CEO of Center For Youth Wellness) reports that most of her patients, who were referred to her for ADHD, did not in fact have ADHD. After doing a thorough history and physical, she could not give that … [Read more...]
Was It Cathartic to Write Your Book?
No. Seriously no. It was an act of will. The belief that somehow, somewhere my story might help another woman, another man, overcome child abuse. I was asked to write this story 25 years ago, but my sense of safe autonomy was pretty fragile, and I had two children who needed my full attention. I wrote a couple of novels. But those who knew me best kept challenging me to tell this story. Reluctantly, I entertained the idea. The Fifth Sister came kicking and screaming into this world. Because, you see, to step back into the scene of a diary entry, and then take YOU … [Read more...]
Did you know?
1 in 3 girls will be molested by the time they’re 18. 1 in 6 boys. 85% of molesters are family members … [Read more...]
Incarceration Doesn’t Work for Perps – Or Does it?
Received this from a prominent writer/theologian: "Punishment of perpetrators has never worked and will never work. Answers? First is education. I suspect that confronting ignorance is the place to begin. At Wheaton one of the first classes I took was in early childhood growth and development. I put away punishment in child rearing forever. My kids have done very well. There must be massive public awareness of the problem of childhood abuse. Our entire society must be made aware that child abuse is unacceptable in a truly great nation and world society. Those of us who are truly … [Read more...]
Britain Gets Tough On Child Sexual Abuse
On March 3, 2015, David Cameron, Britain’s prime minister, spoke to a summit in London about child sexual abuse. So pervasive is the issue, that he wants child sexual abuse to be “upgraded to the status of ‘a national threat’, so that it is placed on a par with serious organized crime by police chiefs and elected police commissioners in their strategic planning. They will be required to cooperate with other police forces across county boundaries to safeguard children.” I like that child abuse in any form is being addressed. In Britain, and here in the United States, it’s systemic failure … [Read more...]
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