The other day the river invited me to play. I fetched my paddle board, opted against a wetsuit given the sunny day, strapped the leash to my right ankle, and took off. It was a perfect morning. Fluffy clouds dotted an azure sky, the air was calm, the water mirror smooth. I headed east, against the current. The normal zen that comes with being at one with nature took hold, and I plied the river in complete solitude. Forty minutes into my river run I reversed direction for home and stared with disbelief at the sky. Dark clouds had replaced fluffy ones. Fifty yards ahead, wind skiffed water … [Read more...]
One With Courage
What a remarkable place to be – at one with courage. You and courage intertwined. It isn’t easy, and you aren’t sure you are courageous, yet. I don’t think there’s a magical moment when you become one with courage. It comes over time, although sometimes a pivotal event triggers a crisis, and that crisis becomes your “dangerous opportunity” to step into courage. “Tiger” was a game my dad played with us as children. It was an indoor game. He would drop down on his hands and knees, blindfolded, and for all intents and purposes, it was a game of hide and seek. We all had to play. It was a … [Read more...]
Mother’s Day Without Mom
Mother’s Day is a sweet day for me. I am well celebrated by my children and husband. I reside in the gentle beauty of my greatest role on earth – mother to my son and daughter. It remains the finest work I have ever done. It is bittersweet for some. I’ve seen Facebook posts this morning honoring moms, and posts honoring moms who are no longer with us. Then, there is what isn’t said. There are mom’s we could not celebrate today. There are those for whom the wounds are fresh, and those of us who have lived with loss and longing for a long time. Why some … [Read more...]
The Madness Stops Here
There is a saying, “The madness stops here.” You’ll hear me say that often. The madness stops here. It means that my background is not my children’s. It means, for my son and daughter, incest stopped at my generation. The tangled web we humans weave has emotional tentacles far more entwined than an octopus. The statistics on child sexual abuse are overwhelming. 1 in 3 girls molested by age 18. 1 in 5 boys. The median age for molestation is 11 – 13. 85% of molesters are family members. How are we going to address this with any degree of success? What can one person do? The madness stops … [Read more...]
Tender Moments
My friend posted this picture on Facebook on his daughter’s birthday. It made me smile, this father and daughter sharing ear buds. And then it made me cry. Loss hits me at the most unexpected times, and leaves me with a familiar longing. How lucky for my friend’s daughter. She has a dad who loves her well. I imagine what having a dad who loved me well might have looked like: A spontaneous grin at something I said or did. Noticing that I was excited, or happy, or sad. Knowing I could curl up in his lap when the end of the world happened – my best friend was mean to me – and have him pat … [Read more...]
Child Sexual Abuse linked to ADHD?
Could There Be A Link Between ADHD And Child Sexual Abuse? (1) New findings published in the journal Child Abuse & Neglect show "that adults with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) may have also been physically or sexually abused during the teenage years." Given child abuse statistics, that may be true, but I wonder about the ADHD diagnosis. Dr. Nadine Burke Harris (founder and CEO of Center For Youth Wellness) reports that most of her patients, who were referred to her for ADHD, did not in fact have ADHD. After doing a thorough history and physical, she could not give that … [Read more...]
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