Written after a conversation with a woman who had just read The Fifth Sister, and shared her story with me. You are amazing. Look at what you’ve done with your life, given all you’ve been through. You have a heart full of love. They couldn’t take that from you. You worked on yourself to make sure you didn’t do to another what they did to you. You rose above horrifying betrayal and believed you could love and be loved. You found a good spouse, who adores you, thinks you’re smart, witty, a little bit quirky, and loves you flaws and all. You have given your children a safe home. … [Read more...]
Let’s Talk Crazy Making
“…Though you have done nothing shameful, they will want you to be ashamed. They will want you to kneel and weep and say you should have been like them. And once you say you are ashamed, reading the page they hold out to you, then such light as you have made in your history will leave you. …It is only candor that is aloof from them, only an inward clarity, unashamed, that they cannot reach. Be ready. When their light has picked you out and their questions are asked, say to them, “I am not ashamed.” A sure horizon will come around … [Read more...]
No One Gets to Die on My Watch
“I have a strict rule. No one is allowed to die on my watch,” a quiet assured voice in the vicinity of my right ear said. “I have to lower your pain level slower than you’ll like to keep my promise.” I have no idea if I nodded, but she thumbed a tear off my cheek. Weeks before, I had blitzed right past “It’ll be a little rough coming out of surgery,” to the six week recovery period, and the day I could get back on my beloved SUP (standup paddle) board. My husband and I flew to San Francisco and threw a party. I almost managed to forget I would return home to surgery, but here I … [Read more...]
I Came of Age in a Sh*thole Country
Ethiopia remains the home of my heart. My starry-eyed awkward little self quietly absorbed Africa. Heartbreakingly beautiful, it snatched my heart, and saved my soul. My love affair with African sh*thole countries began when, as a missionary family we trekked Ethiopia’s rugged terrain by mule train, looking for plateaus of indigenous people in need of medicine and education. Our first outpost was nine days by mule to the nearest road during the Monsoon season – Land Rovers couldn’t ford the swollen rivers – and half a day further on by auto to Addis Ababa. We steeped ourselves in Ethiopian … [Read more...]
The Paradox of Safety
Last night, as daylight gave way to dusk and the river quieted, I had an out-of-nowhere moment so profound I wept: one moment absorbing twilight, the next in tears. And though this will surprise many of you who know my family’s history, I desperately missed my father. Dad was crazy smart. Genius IQ. He was a mesmerizing storyteller. A lift you up and away speaker. He adored discourse that challenged. I loved engaging those dialogues, for it was one arena where we could tackle matters of intelligence and not devolve into emotionalism. These lively discussions linger as some of my very best … [Read more...]
Mother’s Day Without Mom
Mother’s Day is a sweet day for me. I am well celebrated by my children and husband. I reside in the gentle beauty of my greatest role on earth – mother to my son and daughter. It remains the finest work I have ever done. It is bittersweet for some. I’ve seen Facebook posts honoring moms, posts honoring moms who are no longer with us, those honoring stepmoms, and women who took on the role of mom. Then, there is what isn’t said, which speaks volumes. There are moms we could not celebrate today. There are those for whom the wounds are fresh, and those of us who have lived with loss and … [Read more...]
