Old voices. Old tapes. Family mores. And then there’s the history. Step off my family’s beaten path and reprisals were swift and carefully crafted to fell the wanderer. Once bested, the shepherd’s crook yanked the willful one back into the fold. I’ve been out of that fold for over thirty years now. I dodged the shepherds crook, protected my kids, and guaranteed that I couldn’t be trifled with by my parents. And still these childhood lessons insinuate. I find it amusing, no, that’s not quite the right word…curious how my mind works. Over coffee on our deck one morning, I told my husband that … [Read more...]
Family Secrets
All families have history, which is a euphemism for “skeletons in the closet.” They are alluded to, whispered about. Perhaps they become family folklore. Usually, there’s something about the story the family doesn’t want to talk about at all. I don’t know if my siblings know that our Nana Kaye married to escape her sexually abusive father. Because of him, my paternal grandparents left Kansas to homestead in Montana. I know this because Nana Kaye told me. I did not know about my Nana the day Stephanie had had enough. Stephanie was my high school chemistry lab partner the year we were in … [Read more...]
A Woodshed Sort of Night
I recently had an unhappy night, filled with restless moments and memories. A woodshed sort of night. You know about the woodshed, yes? The place you take yourself for a good whooping. Parker Palmer says, in his book Let Your Life Speak, “No punishment anyone might inflict on me could possibly be worse that the punishment I inflict on myself by conspiring in my own diminishment.” My woodshed is well designed, artfully appointed with the faces of those whose voices I will forever need to quell, and although visited less often now than times past, I occasionally find myself within its … [Read more...]
Keepers of the Lie
It was a footnote that changed my life. I had an amazing therapist. In the course of our work together he would occasionally suggest I read a particular book, or watch a movie and tell him what value it had for me. What was the lesson to be learned? The “Aha” moment? This week he invited me to read People of the Lie, by M. Scott Peck. It is not an easy read – but back to the footnote. A healthy person has an instinct to get away from something dangerous. Sometimes even healthy emotions may appear negative at first glance. Revulsion, for example. Who likes the idea of revulsion? But it … [Read more...]
Lolita? I Don’t Think So
In a discussion with my first husband about my dad impregnating my sister, his comment was, “She probably tried to seduce him.” I’m sure I hissed in stunned horror. And then he followed with, “Well, she WAS thirteen.” I wanted to scream, or run endlessly to subdue the rush of angry feelings that someone could be so ignorant, so insensitive to the devastation this girl experienced – her childhood interrupted, her innocence betrayed. I don’t know when my father “bent” or why. I asked the question endlessly while in therapy. If I could understand it, I could more readily deal with it. … [Read more...]
The Whistleblower
Whistle-blower: Someone who reveals something covert, or informs against someone. I don’t care for the implications of the synonyms: snitch, squealer, tattler, tattletale and other less flattering words. But there you have it according to Merriam Webster. When I was young, I started a dictionary according to Laura. In it were neologisms – words like: fantabulous, bass-ackwards, nummy-duff (yogurt, according to my infant daughter) be-lax (relax), be-post (a recent entry, meaning ‘supposed’ courtesy of my grandson). So, I’m going to give two nuances to the term “whistleblower” – according to … [Read more...]
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