Pope Francis compares child sexual abuse to human sacrifice. Think about that for a moment. The comparison is appropriate. But it’s worse than that. We who were abused by leaders in the church continue to live. We didn’t die of our injuries on the altar of sacrifice. Our hearts still beat a tattered pulse. Our brain still holds the truth, and the body always keeps the score. The horror of abuse is followed by a lifetime of adapting. Here are some things I know: I know we can’t un-ring that bell. It happened. I know that Jesus left the ninety-nine in search of the one. I know that … [Read more...]
The Wounded
I am standing on a 10 meter Olympic diving platform. Suddenly, there is a roaring in my ears, a cacophony of sound; voice, noise, high pitched screaming. I clap my hands over my ears – and jump. Fear claws at my throat as I plummet toward the water. Impact is disorienting. Water churns at being violently disturbed, and then? Utter silence, a muted existence, like I imagine a cocoon, or womb. Until the silent screams begin – open mouthed blasts of heart pain – for no one to hear. They reverberate only in my mind. Inevitably I float up to the surface. When I break through the waterline, the sun … [Read more...]
On Worry
The knock on the door was innocuous enough. I scooted back from the dinner table and said, “hold that thought” to my son and mused as I walked to the door that I would make that Thai stir fry again. Worth it. “Laura?” a middle-aged, clean-cut fellow asked. “Yes?” “Consider yourself served.” He thrust a packet of papers at me, turned abruptly and hurried to the street. Time arrested, as in disbelief I scanned official documents stating that in this new state where I’d moved with my children, my ex-husband had filed suit against me yet again … unfit mother. He would settle for no … [Read more...]
Indifference vs. Authenticity
My parents forgot to show up for my high school graduation. They were in country, Ethiopia, and in residence. They simply went on a day outing, and didn’t come. Six months before while we were on furlough in America, I soloed a Christmas song “The Little Road to Bethlehem” in front of fifteen hundred people and received my first standing ovation ever. My parents waited in the car, tickets in hand, until the show was over. Each time I held the disappointment in my heart. It had happened before, it would happen again. That I kept hoping for a different result was the insanity. But I was … [Read more...]
You Are Amazing
Written after a conversation with a woman who had just read The Fifth Sister, and shared her story with me. You are amazing. Look at what you’ve done with your life, given all you’ve been through. You have a heart full of love. They couldn’t take that from you. You worked on yourself to make sure you didn’t do to another what they did to you. You rose above horrifying betrayal and believed you could love and be loved. You found a good spouse, who adores you, thinks you’re smart, witty, a little bit quirky, and loves you flaws and all. You have given your children a safe home. … [Read more...]
Let’s Talk Crazy Making
“…Though you have done nothing shameful, they will want you to be ashamed. They will want you to kneel and weep and say you should have been like them. And once you say you are ashamed, reading the page they hold out to you, then such light as you have made in your history will leave you. …It is only candor that is aloof from them, only an inward clarity, unashamed, that they cannot reach. Be ready. When their light has picked you out and their questions are asked, say to them, “I am not ashamed.” A sure horizon will come around … [Read more...]
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