They pinched my skin, the tender underside of my arm, and asked if I had leprosy, their dark skin a sharp contrast to my own. Deep in the heart of east Africa we had been invited to open schools and clinics. Our family was the first white family this people had ever seen. They looked at my blue eyes and wondered if I was of the devil. We were an infinitesimal minority amongst a quarter of a million souls on that plateau. Though born in America, my formative years were spent in Ethiopia. My husband says I’m more African than American at heart. He’s right. But I had privilege even there, for … [Read more...]
A Sorta Eulogy
I am an orphan in fact now, not by design, though I was that as well. My mother died Friday evening. Hazel Elaine Smith (Ewing), 90 years old, who said a year ago she hoped she’d fall asleep and never wake up and was ticked as the dickens when the sun rose on a new day. Then she fainted and slipped away. I hadn’t seen her in over 30 years. Mom: beautiful, vivacious, outgoing, idealistic, smart, brave, adventuresome, softhearted, who loved my father obsessively. Therein lies the story. In childhood, Mom lived with her family in the mountains, where they skied to school. The eldest of … [Read more...]
A Strong Woman Looks a Challenge Dead in the Eye and Gives It a Wink
I really like the sense of confidence of that word picture. The stand a little straighter, shoulders back, and a by-George, spunky wink. I must confess, however, that just as I am less than adept at the wit of a clever comeback, a wink is not generally how I have faced adversity. Mine is more the kicking and screaming as I’m hauled into adversity by hook or crook to find myself plonked on my proverbial tusch staring into the eyes of, well, a challenge of epic proportions. I mean, a little misfortune, sure. Luggage lost, delayed plane, forgotten appointment… Perhaps even the decimation of a … [Read more...]
The Long Road to Mercy
I’m an adventurer at heart, a trait I inherited from my dad. I adored our mule train explorations in Africa. I loved swinging onto my horse Mengustu’s back and trying a new trail. I met the most amazing people that way. I adored my pet leopard, Gifte. Exquisite was learning to fly, for my whole world opened up. I’m fascinated by new countries, new cultures, different languages. I raised two children. If that isn’t an adventure, I don’t know what is! I met a man later in life, threw caution to the winds, and moved to his city knowing only him. Nearly two decades later we’re still adventuring … [Read more...]
How My Love Affair Began
It all began one lovely October day on Kauai, 2011. Seated on rattan chaises my husband and I absorbed tropical beauty sipping a crisp Sauvignon Blanc. The sea sparkled, the profusion of color and scent tantalized senses. John picked up his book, but three stories below tanned swimsuit clad young people caught my attention as they carried oversized surf boards into the pool. This was no ordinary pool. Lagoon styled, it widened and narrowed as it meandered long and luxurious past waterfalls, lush foliage, and opened into large pond sized pools, before curving further through the property. Three … [Read more...]
New Beginnings
What will this day be like? I wonder. What will my future be? I wonder. It should be so exciting, To be out in the world, To be free. My heart should be wildly rejoicing. Oh, what's the matter with me? It has been a year to the day since my accident turned our life upside down. I find it fitting, in a full circle sort of way, that on this day we move into our new home. New beginnings, quite different from those of a year ago. That day when my eye was smatterized by a cat-o-nine-tails, and I instantly lost my sight, I turned away from my grandboys and roared into the sky, … [Read more...]
I Think I’ll Take Five
I really could have done without Murphy. Maybe all that grace we’d been bestowed when I had my injury ticked good ole Murph off. Here I am thinking that with the seven months we’ve had focused so intently on healing following a catastrophic eye injury, life would grant a bit of good luck. Feeling accomplished about weathering three major surgeries, 32 days face down for 22 hours of every one of them, 3 months bedbound, another two highly restricted, we took on the next set of life challenges. A new home. Maybe I’ll call this the summer of my discontent, although that sounds churlish, given … [Read more...]
Grit
I first saw him on a Monday. In a sea of tanned toned bodies jogging or roller blading along Newport Beach’s strand he compelled my attention. He dragged his mostly unresponsive legs using canes that attached to his arm as he crossed the path to sand. Young, with dark hair a little too long to keep out of his eyes, he struggled forward. My balcony faced the sea and afforded me a Discovery Channel perspective of the Pacific Ocean and now of him. Six to eight feet into the sand he began an oval perhaps thirty feet long, out ten feet toward the ocean, north thirty feet and back round. When … [Read more...]
Falling Into My Father’s Eyes
I am six today. The old farm house is filled with the scent of cinnamon and maple syrup. French toast is my birthday request. I dress with care, and clumsily tie a ribbon in my ponytail. A shiver of anticipation tickles my tummy on my way to the stairs. I wish there was a sliver of light. I don’t want to run my hand along the splinter-filled guard rail to navigate the narrow, impossibly steep stairwell on my way to breakfast. The kitchen is a sea of bodies, ten including my own, settling in around the table. Mama nods and in the doorway stands daddy, a newborn foal in his arms. “She’s yours,” … [Read more...]
To Those of Us Who Had Lousy Mothers – A Toast
Here’s to us. Here’s to creating a life around the hollow left by their inability to mother. Here’s to loving our own children fiercely and well, despite all odds. Here’s to defying the limits our parents and our childhood tried to set. Here’s to life, to love, to hope! Brava or bravo to every one of us who survived. Who felt the pain of betrayal and loss. Who picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off, and started all over again. Many of us lost entire families, whole communities, affiliations with churches, schools and other organizations. Here’s to every single one of us who endured … [Read more...]
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